Fragmented Memoirs: Navigating a Dissociative Personality

My Fragmented Memoirs is an exercise in putting together the fragmented pieces of my memory.

My hope is that at the end of the exercise I will:

  1. Have a more complete picture of my life; and that
  2. It serves as a form of self-therapy so that I can finally feel like a “whole person” or at least stop feeling as if I am constantly having to mediate between two brats in my head.

Fragmented Memoirs doing things differently

Why Fragmented Memoirs?

Partly because there is so much that I am unable to remember about my life. Somehow, somewhere much of my past is buried in the recesses of my sub-conscious.

Why am I sharing my Fragmented Memoirs?

Well, it certainly is not because I think I have some wonderful amazing story to tell.

Perhaps, it is out of sheer laziness to repeat the stories of my life. 😉

Seriously though, I have gotten around quite a bit in my life, and met many people along the way. When they hear that I am from South Africa and live in Switzerland, they can’t seem to understand why I would leave such a “beautiful and amazing country” to live in “boring Switzerland”!

Lots of Questions

What often follows are lots of questions about my life in South Africa. These invariably lead to more questions and then suggestions that I collect them and publish them somewhere.

This, together with Sandra’s encouragement, has spurred me on to start sifting through folders of journals to see if there is anything that I can salvage and share.

Journal Excerpts

What follows is a collection of excerpts from various journals that I have kept over the years. These journals are mostly electronic because my paper journals are lost somewhere in South Africa.

Not all was lost though, I had the good fortune of getting my first PC in 1993 and, thank god, also the good sense to switch to writing my journals electronically. As a result, I have journals spanning more than two decades.

Password Protected

That said, being as paranoid as I was, a lot of them are password protected and I do not REMEMBER THE PASSWORDS!

I am very curious about what secrets these journal entries are keeping!

Then there are others that are on “floppy” and “stiffy” disks and of course I do not have drives to read them!

As a result, my journal selection pool is radically reduced! I do not mind too much because I have enough material to keep me busy for a while. Perhaps when I have exhausted these, then I will look into getting those “floppies” and “stiffies” read.

Randomly Selected

There is no particular order to these posts. I am using a form of random selection, that being whether or not a file asks for a password!

The first one that I found is from 1997. It appears to be a series of lectures to myself.

I would say that to date, it is one of the earliest examples reflecting my slipping in and out of dissociative states.

Dissociative Personality

It was only a few years ago, as a result of therapy for severe depression, that I became aware that I have a dissociative personality coupled with PTSD.

This goes some way in explaining why I sometimes find it freaky reading my journals.

Freaky because I do not recognise the “voice” that is speaking in them. In many instances, it is as if I am reading someone else’s writing about their life.

I know that it is me who made the entries. Firstly, because they are on my external hard-drive; and secondly because some of the events and situations mirror what little I remember about my life.

Let’s get started!

In the coming months, I will regularly add links to new Journal Entries on this page.

As previously mentioned, I am starting with excerpts from a journal that I kept in 1997:

1. A Rape Counsellor

2. A Spirit

 

 

 

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